my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
