I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
