i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
