Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
