Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
