I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
