break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
