just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
