No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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