The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
