i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
wow bdsm is so cute
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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