Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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