Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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