i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I supernannyed him into submission
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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