hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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