If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
