Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
