oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
