Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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