OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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