he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
