Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
