Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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