I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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