in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
