I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
