i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
