I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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