God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
