let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
