I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
