You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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