i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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