Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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