highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
