I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
