yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
