I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
