my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
