uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
