the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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