im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
