Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do herpes really smell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
