It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
