I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
