OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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