3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
