Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

I wanna passion pit in your ass

Fav 27 959 2020
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(858): View more from California

ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.

Fav 4 2776 1012
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(513): View more from Ohio

I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

Fav 15 5729 1153
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(609): View more from New Jersey

he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

Fav 17 919 6970
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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(561): View more from Florida

How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?

Fav 102 1136 4717
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(906): View more from Michigan

I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink

Fav 17 963 4371
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

God wants them to get laid too.

Fav 59 8444 1863
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.

Fav 1 127 290
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.

Fav 0 7 20
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