The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?