they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges