Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
