Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.