I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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