I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
