Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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