So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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