from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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