Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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