My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
