Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
