I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
