therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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