Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
