I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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