Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
