as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
