If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
