Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
