my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
