Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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