Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
