That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
