I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
