Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
