Ketchup is God's man juice
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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