You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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