Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am naked and annoyed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
