This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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