Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
