We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
