Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
