While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
